A Roll of the Dice
by wildcat7898
Summary: Upon returning to the Enterprise after a scientific conference, Spock discovers that everything is not as it seems. This story follows "The Secret Gate."
1. Chapter 1

Title: A Roll of the Dice

Author: Wildcat

Series: TOS

Rating: T for mature situations

Codes: S/U

Summary: Upon returning to the Enterprise after a scientific conference, Spock discovers that everything is not as it seems.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Kirk, Spock, Uhura, and company. I have just borrowed them for a while, and I will not profit from any of this.

Although this story is part of my Spock/Uhura universe, it is intended to stand alone. If you wish to place it in the timeline, however, it takes place between In Single Words and The Real Thing.

Thanks go to Jungle Kitty for so generously allowing me to use a character that belongs to her. Also, this story was inspired by an episode of TNG. I'll let you TNG fans figure out which one.

This story won 1st place for "Best S/U" in the 1999 ASC Awards. It also won 3rd place for "Best TOS Multipart" and 3rd place for "Best Spock/Female" in the 1999 Golden O Awards.

Feedback is desired.

A Roll of the Dice, chapter 1

Seated comfortably in a shuttlecraft, Spock ran his hands across the controls in preparation for docking. He had spoken with Nyota to inform her of his progress ten point two minutes ago, and according to his calculations, he would be back on board in a mere three point eight minutes. Indeed, he should be able to see the Enterprise with his naked eye at any time now.

He could not help but experience a sense of anticipation. While the scientific conference had been most enlightening, ten days of lectures and panel discussions had been sufficient. He was ready to return. And after speaking with Nyota, he knew that she was also ready for him to return. Although her demeanor had been entirely professional when he checked in earlier, he had detected an eagerness in her voice that belied her calm manner. In their two years of marriage, this was only the third time they had been apart for a significant length of time, and he knew that she was excited to have him back.

The Enterprise filled his viewscreen now, and when he looked closely, he could see the smaller ship that cruised alongside. The Etrian envoy had not been expected until tomorrow, but when he had spoken with Nyota, she had informed him of the Etrians' early arrival. He had looked forward to meeting the Etrians since he first learned of their existence. They had appeared from nowhere and requested an interview with the Federation, and although they refused to identify their origin, it was clear that their technology was far superior to anything known to the Federation. Before he had left, he and Nyota had speculated at great length as to what technological marvels the Etrians might possess, but he and she had no data upon which to base their speculations—the Etrians had insisted that their own version of the Prime Directive prohibited them from revealing any of their secrets, and they firmly refused to allow anyone access to their ship.

He toggled a switch, intending to request permission to land, but before he could speak, he noticed a subtle distortion in the stars. He reached quickly for his navigational controls, but he was upon the disturbance before he could react. The shuttle appeared to spin around him, and he leaned against the console, closing his eyes as he fought against a sudden wave of nausea.

Just as abruptly as it had begun, the dizzying sensation passed. Although he was still somewhat disoriented, he turned back to the controls and scanned for the anomaly. Nothing. He frowned and changed his settings, but he knew that he would be no more successful with this attempt than before. The anomaly was not only gone but also appeared to have never existed in the first place. It had not even been detected by the automatic sensors. He believed that he had seen something, but perhaps his vision had been altered by his physical condition rather than vice versa.

He sighed. He would have no choice but to visit sickbay before proceeding to the bridge.

"Enterprise, I am on final approach and request permission to land," he said.

Nyota's voice rang from the speaker. "Permission granted. Welcome back, Mr. Spock. We'll see you on the bridge shortly."

He considered telling her that he planned to stop at sickbay on his way to the bridge, but he decided against it. No need to alarm her now. If Dr. McCoy found that he was in fact ill, he could inform her at that time.

"Thank you, Commander. Spock out."

The doors parted before him, and he brought the shuttle in for a smooth landing.

...

Spock continued to puzzle over his unusual experience as he waited for the lift to open onto the bridge. Dr. McCoy had pronounced him well, suggesting that he might simply be fatigued due to the long trip. While he did not feel particularly tired, he had no better explanation for what had happened. He would ensure that he rested well tonight.

The door slid open and he saw Nyota seated at her console, sipping coffee and immersed in her work. She did not notice him, but he knew that he could not pass without some sort of acknowledgment. Scanning the bridge to ensure that no one was watching, he discreetly brushed his fingers against her cheek and bent to murmur in her ear without breaking stride.

"Greetings, Nyota. I have missed you."

Choking on her coffee, she exclaimed, "Mr. Spock!"

He had continued to his station, expecting to turn and meet her gaze, but when he looked back at the bridge, he found that all eyes were on him. Everyone, without exception, was staring at him with a stunned expression.

Kirk finally broke the silence, "Uh, welcome back, Mr. Spock."

Spock looked from Kirk to Nyota, who was wiping coffee from her chin, then back at Kirk again. "Thank you, Captain."

Kirk's eyes darted briefly toward Nyota, who shook her head and shrugged. "Is everything all right, Mr. Spock?" he asked.

"Of course, Captain. Why would it not be?"

"Well, that wasn't exactly a standard greeting-"

Spock was relieved when a beep interrupted Kirk's next words. Nyota threw him one last wide-eyed look and turned to her board.

"Enterprise. Commander Uhura here."

She listened to the message, and then faced Kirk. "Captain, it's the commander of the Etrian ship. He and his team are ready to come aboard."

"Tell him welcome, Commander, and that we'll meet him in the transporter room."

"Aye, sir."

After she exchanged a few more words with the Etrian captain, Kirk stood. "Mr. Spock, Commander Uhura, with me."

Moving toward the lift, Spock noticed that Nyota was still watching him warily. He raised an eyebrow in amusement-evidently, he had startled her. He motioned for her to precede him into the lift, and Kirk followed behind him.

"Deck eight." Kirk shook his head. "Would you two mind telling me what was going on back there?"

Spock sighed, unable to suppress a slight sense of embarrassment. "I had intended for that to remain private. Of course, I am very aware that the bridge is not the place for such a gesture, although I had assumed that no one would witness it. I will be more discreet in the future."

"In the future?" Nyota said. "With all due respect, Mr. Spock, I think you should keep your hands to yourself."

"I understand that I startled you, but do you not find that a rather excessive reaction? I had actually anticipated that you would be pleased if I did not simply walk past without speaking."

She snorted. "A simple 'hello' would have done just fine."

"Lift, stop," Kirk said firmly. He looked from one of them to the other in bewilderment. "What the hell is going on here, Spock? That's not like you, making an advance toward a crewmember."

Spock held out his hands, equally bewildered. "I would hardly equate greeting my wife with making an advance on a crewmember."

"Your what?" exclaimed Nyota.

Kirk studied Spock for a long moment. "Spock, I think that we need to go see Dr. McCoy."

A tiny chill creeping up his spine, Spock tried to keep his voice even. "I am fine, Captain."

Nyota edged away from him. "Mr. Spock, you and I have always been fairly good friends, but I am not your wife."

He looked into her eyes, searching for the warmth he had come to take for granted. Their bond glowed comfortingly in the back of his mind, so he knew beyond a doubt that she was his wife. When he looked at her, however, all he found was concern, and... fear. Nyota, the woman with whom he shared his life, was afraid of him.

"We became involved shortly after Mr. Sulu's wedding," he said cautiously, "when Saavik fell ill and you came to Dantria."

"Sulu never married, Spock," said Kirk.

Spock dropped his eyes, and as he did so, he saw that the ring finger on her left hand was bare. He swallowed, took a deep breath, and said, "There is only one explanation. Something has happened in the past to change the present."

Kirk's expression was guarded as he considered it. "Like the time at the Guardian of Forever when we learned that you had died as a child? You actually went back and rescued yourself. It's possible, I guess."

"I think that it is likely, Captain."

Uhura frowned. "I remember what happened at the Guardian of Forever. We were the only ones who knew that the current reality was false."

"Correct. On my return from the conference, I became dizzy and disoriented after encountering an anomaly in space. It is my belief that at that moment something happened in the past to change reality."

Uhura softened. "Does this mean that in another reality, you and I are really married?"

"Yes." Willing her to accept what he said as truth, he held her eyes. "And I very much want that reality back. We must determine where our paths diverged and devise a plan to set the past back as it belongs."

A tentative smile on her lips, Uhura nodded. "I think that I would like being with you, Mr. Spock."

He felt his shoulders sag with relief. "We are very content with one another, Commander."

Kirk reached for the intercom. "Kirk to bridge. Please delay the Etrians. Convey my apologies. Inform them that something has come up, and that I'll contact them soon to reschedule our meeting. Kirk out." He thumbed off the intercom. "Let's return to the bridge and try to get to the bottom of this. I'm sorry, Spock, but I need some proof that your allegations are correct."

"That is a start. Thank you, Captain."

...

Spock entered the conference room, his mind on the fact that he had found no trace of the anomaly. Indeed, he had found nothing at all to prove his story, and eventually Kirk had been forced to proceed with the meeting. Kirk's first inclination had been to prohibit Spock from attending, but Spock had convinced him to reverse that decision. It was important that he learn all there was to learn about this reality, and at any rate, he did not want to miss this opportunity to meet the Etrians.

As he watched the Etrians find their seats, he realized that his next step would be to study the past. Clearly, Sulu's never having married was key. Either Susan Ling had never been born or something had happened to prevent her from marrying Sulu. Spock would begin his search by investigating her past. Satisfied with his line of reasoning, he glanced to his right where Uhura sat. She met his eyes shyly, and he knew that this meeting would not be over quickly enough to suit him.

Kirk opened the meeting. "Allow me to state on behalf of the Federation that we're very pleased you sought us out."

The Etrian captain smiled. "It is our pleasure, Captain Kirk. From what we have observed, your Federation is a benevolent body and your domain is prosperous and peaceful."

Spock studied the Etrians. Rather slight and unexceptional physically, they were remarkably similar in appearance to teenage humans. Despite their youthful appearance, however, they exuded a crisp, military confidence. Surprisingly, the only sign of their advanced technology was a device their captain wore on his temple.

Kirk said, "Thanks to the cooperation of the many beings who comprise the Federation, we do enjoy prosperity and peace. Would you like to hear about the member worlds of the Federation, Captain D'eban?"

"One moment, please." D'eban's eyes became unfocused as he tapped the device on his temple, and Spock deduced that it was used for telepathic communication. Fascinating...

Suddenly, dizziness washed over him, and he gripped the edge of the table, swaying slightly. As before, it passed immediately. He thought that he had managed to hide it from everyone, but as he concentrated on breathing deeply, Uhura leaned close and gently rested her fingers on the back of his hand.

"Are you all right?" she whispered.

He looked down at her hand on his, and his heart beat faster when he realized what he saw.

A wedding band.

He met her eyes quickly, searching for recognition of their bond. Yes. He saw the warmth and confidence that had been missing from the woman who sat next to him only moments before. He nodded, and she smiled worriedly before turning back to the meeting.

As he struggled to regain his composure, Spock realized that the Etrian captain was speaking.

"... my leader has instructed me that while he knows of the Federation's member races, he wishes to learn more about their propensities toward peace. Or strife, whichever the case may be."

Spock frowned, his sensation of relief abruptly tinged with alarm as he looked closer at the Etrians. These were very definitely not the same three men who had originally beamed over to the Enterprise. As a matter of fact, one of them was female now.

Kirk replied, "While there are a number of member worlds that espouse philosophies of non-violence-the Vulcans, for example-there are others who have had to work to earn their peaceful status, Captain Chesk. The Andorians are such a people..."

Spock attempted to analyze the situation while Kirk spoke. No one among the Enterprise crew had reacted to the change in the Etrians, so evidently whatever had happened to restore his own reality had also affected the Etrians. Could it be that both his and the Etrians' timelines were impacted by a common event? While such a concept seemed far-fetched, apparently it was true. He would have to ensure that he satisfied his curiosity about any commonality between their past and his own.

Folding his hands in front of him, he discreetly looked over at Nyota and experienced great pleasure in the knowledge that once again, he lived in the reality in which he belonged.

End chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

A Roll of the Dice, chapter 2

Spock walked beside Nyota as they left the Etrians' guest quarters. He was very aware of her eyes on him.

"Spock, what happened to you back in the meeting? I've been worried about you."

"I have endured an exceedingly unusual day, Nyota. You will actually find it difficult to believe."

She grinned, but he could see the uneasiness in her expression. "Try me."

"You are correct that I felt unwell during our meeting. I became dizzy and disoriented, and it was not the first time today I had experienced these symptoms."

"Really? Do you think that you need to see Dr. McCoy?"

"I have already been to see Dr. McCoy. At least, I remember that I have. He might have an entirely different recollection." He paused to gather his thoughts. "My first dizzy spell occurred when I was on the shuttle, so I immediately went to sickbay upon my return. Dr. McCoy found nothing wrong and told me that I was merely fatigued. I proceeded to the bridge. As I walked past you, I touched you on the face and told you that I missed you."

"Yes, I remember. I thought that was very sweet."

"Did you? In my version of events, you were rather offended."

She stopped walking. "What do you mean, in your version of events? And why would Dr. McCoy remember something different than you? Are you trying to tell me that you're sick? Did something happen to you at the conference?"

"No. What I am attempting to explain is that over the past three point eight hours, I have experienced a different reality than you. In that reality, you and I were not married. I would even venture to say we were not particularly close friends. I believe that history was altered at the same moment that I first became dizzy. When my second bout of dizziness occurred, history was restored. It was at that time that I saw the wedding ring that was previously missing from your hand."

"You mean we never got together? How could that be? I can't imagine my life without you."

"Indeed."

"Do you have any idea what caused it?"

"None. I intend to study the phenomenon, although it may be impossible to determine what caused the alteration since history has clearly been restored."

She ran her hand across her forehead. "I was going to suggest that we meet the others for supper, but I think now that we should just go back to our quarters. I feel like being alone with you, holding you close and thanking my lucky stars that I have you."

He allowed the corner of his mouth to turn up. "Nyota, 'lucky stars' have nothing to do with it, although I cannot think of a more agreeable way to spend the evening."

"I missed you."

"And I, you."

They started walking again, and he noticed that their steps were more hurried than before.

...

A glass of wine in each hand, Nyota walked toward the sofa. "Computer, lights at fifteen percent. Play Debussy, random selection."

He moved over to make room for her. "Wine?" he teased. "Low lights and music? What is the occasion?"

She smiled, her teeth shining in the low light. "I can't believe you've forgotten! Are you sure nobody hit you over the head?"

He ran through a rapid inventory of possible events he might have overlooked, but he found nothing significant about today. Before he could question her further, the door signaled a visitor.

"Damn." She exhaled. "Well, hold that thought. Computer, music off. Lights up."

He stood. "Are you expecting anyone?"

"No, not me. Come."

The door opened to reveal two young women. One was tall and slender, with long wavy hair and the same rich skin tone as Nyota's. The other, somewhat smaller, possessed short, cropped curls and lighter skin. Despite their physical differences, the family resemblance between the two was unmistakable. They did not appear old enough to be crewmembers, and he was not aware of any cadets on board at the moment. Because he had never seen them before, he was therefore startled when Nyota held up both hands and squealed.

"Oh, my! T'Ania! T'Aashira! I can't believe it!"

Running to the door, she threw her arms around the closest one and looked over her shoulder at Spock. "Did you know about this?"

Dumbfounded, he shook his head.

She moved to the next girl and pulled her close. "What are you two doing here?"

As the girls moved into the room, Spock could only blink at what he suddenly noticed. Both had pointed ears.

The girl with the short hair said, "We came for your anniversary. Surprise! How many years has it been?"

Uhura laughed with delight. "Twenty-one."

Spock watched as the same girl approached and held up her hand, palm out, for the Vulcan embrace. He did not know how to react, and she looked up at him impatiently. "Dad! Wake up."

"Forgive your father," said Uhura. "He had a rough day."

Rousing himself, Spock awkwardly pressed his hand against the girl's. This was his daughter? Uhura had called her T'Ania. He stared at her and saw his own face in her high cheekbones and strong nose. An instant later, he tore his eyes from her to look at the other girl. Not as effervescent as the first, she moved toward him with dignity and held up her hand, as well.

"Hello, Father. Happy anniversary."

Finally finding his voice, he murmured, "Thank you."

A serene smile graced her lips before she turned back toward Uhura. He watched as the three women sat on the sofa, animated and all speaking at once. A few fragments of the conversation penetrated his daze, but primarily he simply stood and studied the two girls and their happy interaction with Uhura.

Clearly, history had not been restored.

If he and Uhura had been together for twenty-one years, they had evidently married during their first mission together on the Enterprise. They both would have been quite young, and judging by the ages of these two girls, they had begun their family approximately three years later. What variable existed in his past that would have caused him to go from not marrying Uhura at all, to having married her twenty-one years ago? And what did the Etrian boarding party have to do with it?

Abruptly aware of a silence from the sofa, he realized that all three women were watching him.

"Spock? You said you didn't know anything about this!" Uhura shook her head fondly. "The girls just told me that you were in on their secret and even helped them make arrangements. You big sneak. This is the best anniversary present you could have given me. Now, why don't you sit down? I want T'Aashira to tell us all about her classes at the Academy."

"Of course."

He pulled a chair near the sofa, but when the conversation resumed, he hardly heard any of it. Instead, his attention was caught by a framed holo resting on the table behind T'Aashira's head. There, all three faces bright, were T'Ania, T'Aashira, and Saavik.

Fascinating.

What had happened-or not happened-in the past to cause this turn of events? He could not help but experience a sense of pride as he observed the girls.

His daughters.

Intelligent, well mannered, and striking, they were young adults of whom any father would be proud. What would his own life have been like had he and Nyota married young and produced a family? Judging by the moment, he thought that he would have been very happy to participate in the upbringing of two fine children such as these.

But this was not his life. He frowned and looked away. As soon as he was able, he would have to determine what he must do to set history right, and in the process, create a version of reality in which these two girls had never existed.

...

Alone, he interlaced his fingers as he gazed at the holo of the three young women. He did not look up when the door slid open and Uhura rejoined him.

"The quartermaster put T'Ania and T'Aashira in the guest quarters just down the hall. I told them we'd meet them for breakfast." She sighed lightly. "Maybe I'm just greedy, but I wish that Saavik could have made it, too. Our family isn't complete without her! But I understand. T'Aashira said that she's one of the most popular instructors at the Academy, and I know how hard it can be to get away."

He did not respond, and he heard her footsteps approach in the silence.

Putting her hands around his chest, she leaned against his back. "What is it, Spock? You were unusually quiet all evening."

He closed his eyes, unwilling to tell her what he knew. The longer he waited, however, the more difficult it would be.

"This is not my reality," he murmured.

She stiffened, then dropped her hands and moved in front of him. "What do you mean?"

"This is not my reality. In my reality, we have only been married for two years. We have no children."

She swayed, and he reached quickly for her elbow. Before he could assist her, however, she jerked her arm angrily from his hand.

She stepped back. "Are you nuts?"

"I am quite sane."

"Then who are you? My husband would never tell me that his children shouldn't exist."

"Nyota, please listen to me. This version of reality is highly satisfying. To have been with you for many years and to have fathered two such daughters... I can think of nothing more pleasing. Indeed, I cannot resist thinking of what my life would have been like had we not wasted so many years in my reality. But the truth is that this is not the way it should be. Will you help me?"

"Help you do what? Make our daughters vanish, without even a memory of their existence? That's not reality! This is reality, and if you think it's not, then you're the one who's wrong. You're ill! Or... or maybe you got hit on the head, or you're under the influence of an alien consciousness, or-"

"Please help me. I am not ill, and I assure you that I am in my right mind. Something has happened to alter the timeline. What if we are not the only beings affected? If you learned that others were adversely impacted due to the event that produced this reality, would you still refuse to help? Would you sacrifice an entire world, or any number of worlds, to preserve your family?"

"Yes! I would do anything for my family. And so would you."

His brows drawn together, he simply looked at her, unable to respond to such a statement.

She glared at him for a long moment, but finally closed her eyes. "No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't sacrifice a world, and I... I might, but I could never live with myself afterward. T'Ania and T'Aashira are the two most beautiful, compassionate beings in the universe, and knowing that I had willingly refused to help others in their name... It would be an outrage. I can't ignore what you're saying." Squaring her shoulders, she pointed forcefully at his chest. "However, you have to promise me that when you discover that your version isn't real, you'll forget this craziness."

"And if I am right?"

"You aren't."

He hesitated. Clearly, he would have to convince her to accept his version of events, but he could deal with that later. For now, his priority was establishing what might have created this reality.

"Very well," he said. "If you are able to persuade me that you are correct, I will not pursue this. However, you must be open to the possibility that your version of reality is false."

She gestured defiantly toward the sofa. "Let's get started. The sooner we do this, the sooner we can straighten it out."

He sat down. "I wish to know how we discovered one another. I will not push you if you are unwilling, but it would be best if you allowed me to touch your thoughts."

She regarded him for a long moment, but finally she settled next to him. "All right. I trust you in this reality, and I guess I would trust you in any reality."

He slowly reached for her meld points. She jumped slightly when he made contact but otherwise showed admirable restraint. Warmed by his affection for this woman, his wife yet not his wife, he closed his eyes and searched for the memory.

There...

...A signal sounded at her door. She did not want company, but she felt too guilty to ignore her visitor. After all, he had been so patient, meeting her every evening in the rec deck for Vulcan harp lessons. She owed him at least this much after missing tonight's appointment. It did not enter her mind that it might be someone other than him.

The door opened. He looked so young, attired in the blue uniform of the science department.

"Lieutenant? Are you unwell?"

She shook her head, her eyes downcast. "No, I'm fine. I just didn't feel much like a lesson tonight. I'm sorry I didn't call you."

"I am not concerned about that. I am only concerned about you. If this is an intrusion, I shall leave."

Looking up, she said, "Now that you're here, I think that I'd like someone to talk to. Would you sit with me, Mr. Spock?"

"I will do that." He placed his harp by the door, and sat beside her on the sofa. "About what do you wish to talk?"

"Today, on the planet, what were you thinking when the Platonians made you do things you didn't want to do?"

"Primarily, I was attempting to discern a way to prevent them from making me do things I did not want to do."

"Of course. That's what you would be thinking." She laughed bitterly. "I, on the other hand, was too frightened even to think straight."

"That is an understandable reaction, Lieutenant. Their telekinetic abilities were formidable. We have never encountered anything like that before."

"But you weren't frightened! You were so calm and collected. I'm humiliated by my reaction. Not only was I scared, but I told Captain Kirk all about it. I was a liability to him. How could I have allowed myself to get into such a state?"

He hesitated, then replied, "I was not calm and collected. On the contrary, I was angry. They made me laugh and they made me cry, and I became so overcome with hatred that I easily could have harmed Captain Kirk in my rage."

"Rage? You? You seemed to be dealing with it all so well."

"Captain Kirk retained his composure, but I did not. I am not proud of this."

"No. No, I suppose not. Thank you for sharing it with me." She bit her lip. "What about now? How do you feel now?"

"How I 'feel' is irrelevant. It is done."

"But it isn't!" She rested her fingers on his arm. "They were cruel and sadistic. They turned me into a toy. A sex object. What do you think would have happened if you and Captain Kirk hadn't stopped them?" Gradually, her fingers on his arm became less gentle. "Captain Kirk had a whip, and you had a red-hot poker. They wanted to degrade us, to make us perform for their twisted pleasure, to reduce us to... to... Oh, God, how I hate them. I hate them!"

"Lieutenant. You cannot allow yourself to be filled with hate. Just as I must control my emotions, you must not allow yourself to be turned into someone you are not."

"But you know what they would have done! They would have made you hurt us, even rape us! You wouldn't have been able to stop them. You wouldn't have been able..." Unable to stifle a sob of helpless rage, she curled her hands into fists and averted her face, ashamed that even now the Platonians could goad her into such an emotional reaction.

He leaned toward her. "That would not have happened. I could not-"

"You couldn't have stopped them, Mr. Spock," she said, her voice raw.

"I would not hurt you, Nyota."

She looked up in surprise at the sound of her given name. They gazed at one another, both frozen in the moment and unable to move, until he reached up and very carefully brushed a tear from her cheek. As she studied him, she saw something in his eyes, something new, something she had never seen before. Without stopping to consider the consequences, she caught his fingers in her own, and she held her breath until he gently returned the pressure...

...And suddenly, he was back in her quarters with his hand on her face. The memories were so real that it seemed he had lived them himself.

He removed his hand. "I see now. We were drawn to one another, both emotionally unstable after having been used as pawns in the struggle against the Platonians."

"Yes." She was visibly shaken. "You're telling the truth. You're not from this reality."

"No. I am not."

"All those years ago, you helped me see that it wasn't my fault, that I wasn't responsible for what they made me do."

"And you helped me understand that even a Vulcan can experience anger."

"Eventually, I helped you understand that even a Vulcan can experience love, but it wasn't easy. I knew that I hadn't imagined what I saw in your eyes that night. You had let me in, just for a moment, and I never forgot how right that felt." She looked down at her hands. "I suppose it didn't happen that way in your version of events."

"No. I went to your quarters after you did not appear for your lesson, but I did not announce my presence. I stood at the door but finally turned away."

"I needed you, and you turned away."

He took a deep breath. "Would it please you to learn that I thought of you the remainder of the evening? I wondered if you were well, and I could not remove the image of your beauty from my mind. You were exquisitely beautiful that day."

Smiling slightly for the first time, she said, "You looked so silly in that tunic with the leaves in your hair. But I loved you for your dignity."

"So we married before the end of the five-year mission."

"Yes. One evening, you came to me. We'd had an epidemic aboard the Enterprise, and you, Captain Kirk, and Dr. McCoy had beamed down to a planet in search of the antidote. You told me that while there, Captain Kirk had fallen in love with a woman who turned out to be an android. She died, and he was grief-stricken." Her eyes grew distant as she remembered. "Afterwards, Dr. McCoy said that he felt sorrier for you than for Captain Kirk because you would never know what it was like to love. You realized as he spoke, however, that you _did_ know. You had watched Captain Kirk lose that woman, and you thought of how you would feel if you lost me. It was incredible! I couldn't believe my ears. I was hopelessly in love with you by then, but you'd never given any indication that it was reciprocal or that you even knew how I felt. That night, you held me in your arms and told me that you wanted me. We got married and six months later took positions at Headquarters because we wanted to start a family."

"The two girls were born shortly after that?"

"Fairly soon after, although it wasn't as easy as it might sound now. We underwent genetic counseling and fertility tests, and met with every specialist we could find. It was horrible. They would poke and prod me, then check you out, and ask us all sorts of invasive questions about our sex life. Because you, yourself, were the product of some pretty advanced genetic engineering, it caused us much more difficulty than your parents ever encountered."

"Obviously we were eventually successful."

She nodded. "Just about the time we were ready to give up, T'Aashira came along. She was our miracle baby. That's why we named her T'Aashira. It means 'miracle' in Swahili. And we were stunned when I became pregnant again less than three months after her birth! My body was still responding to the fertility treatments, and before we knew it our 'little joke' was born, T'Aniana, or T'Ania for short. I remember how hard it was to talk you into that name, but even you had to admit later that nothing could have been more appropriate for our bubbly, irrepressible daughter. And it didn't stop there. We were still changing two sets of diapers when you found a young girl named Saavik who didn't have anyone in the universe, and we adopted her. Life was crazy. We loved every minute of it."

"T'Aashira and T'Aniana are exceptional young women."

"Yes, they are, and so is Saavik. But you're going to have to try your best to ensure that they never existed."

"As much as it pains me, I must attempt to correct history."

"Then you still don't accept that my reality is the correct one?"

"No. I do not. I must do more research before I make any decisions."

She looked away and frowned, obviously dissatisfied with his reply. "You can use my computer," she said listlessly. "I'll answer your questions."

"Thank you, Commander."

They moved to the desk and began their search into his past.

End chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3

A Roll of the Dice, chapter 3

0314 hours. Spock closed his eyes and attempted to focus his thoughts. He had learned nothing, even though he had run through every scenario he could devise. While the differences between his version of history and this one were obvious, he could uncover no reason for that difference. He could not determine what caused him to announce his presence at Uhura's door, when in reality, he should have walked away.

He listened to her restless stirrings in the other room. She had finally become too fatigued to continue, so he had convinced her to go to bed. He had actually been rather relieved when she left. The disquiet in her eyes had been difficult to witness, and they were both much more comfortable like this. She had brought him a pillow with the clear indication that he was to sleep on the sofa. While she had been fairly accepting of the fact that he was, indeed, the man she had married, her acceptance had gone only so far. He could hardly fault her.

He stared unseeingly at the computer as he thought about what she had told him earlier. Looking back on his own life, he could see a logical progression of events, each unfolding as it led to the next. This glimpse of the life that could have been was highly unsettling. One simple action on his part-signaling his presence instead of walking away-had brought all of this about, like dominoes falling, one toppling into the next until all had tumbled down. The most innocuous of moments had carried their lives in a direction far from the one he knew, and in no less a logical progression.

He remembered well McCoy's words of so long ago, as they watched Kirk yield to the exhaustion of grief after the very realistic Rayna had ceased functioning:

_"You'll never know the things that love can drive a man to. The ecstasies, the mysteries. The broken rules. The desperate chances. The glorious failures, the glorious victories. All of these things you'll never know, simply because the word 'love' isn't written into your book."_

Instead of allowing those words to open him to new possibilities, he had hardened himself, shut himself away. He had touched Kirk's thoughts that night to ease the captain's pain, thinking that one could excise troublesome emotions as easily as a surgeon might remove a diseased organ. Ironically, one could argue that he had done that for Kirk out of love, but it was not until many years later that he had actually understood what McCoy had tried to tell him. And not until this evening had he understood the consequences of that delay.

Could one lose what one had never possessed? It was an interesting philosophical question, but of course he already knew the answer. The heavy sensation of loss he was experiencing right now made that answer very clear.

Shifting in his seat, he brought himself back to the problem at hand and considered his alternatives. Comparing his own memory of events to the events recorded here was not enough. If he had only thought to study the previous version of reality as well, his chance of success would be much greater...

Suddenly, the familiar dizziness returned, but when he opened his eyes again, he realized that his situation remained unchanged. Or did it? The tossing and turning in the bedroom was replaced by deep, even breathing-the sound of someone sleeping easily. He crept to the bedroom and peered in the door. Yes. She was sound asleep.

As he turned away, his attention was caught by the holo of T'Aashira, T'Aniana, and Saavik. However...

He frowned and strode quickly across the room. Picking it up, he saw that there were only two faces in the holo, T'Aashira and T'Aniana.

Saavik was gone.

...

Two point three hours later, he removed his boots and stretched out on the sofa, clasping his hands across his chest. The physical and mental strain of recent events had been too wearing, and he could not postpone his need for rest any longer. As thoroughly as he applied himself to either meditating or sleeping, however, all he could do was stare wide-eyed into the dark.

What had happened? What event in his past had engendered so many different versions of history? He had repeated all of his searches as soon as he understood that history had changed yet again, but he had found nothing in this version to distinguish it from the last. Except, of course, for the utter lack of any record mentioning a young woman named Saavik. In this version of reality, he had never gone to Hellguard to rescue a little girl named Saavik, and therefore she had been left to perish. Alone.

Closing his eyes, he pushed away this unproductive line of thought and concentrated on clearing his mind. He had to rest.

...

Dragging himself up from the depths of slumber, he realized that he had just heard a signal at the door. Normally he awakened easily, but this time he had to fight to open his eyes, struggle against a confusing, mind-numbing dizziness...

Of course. Sitting up abruptly, he realized that he was no longer on the sofa. This was a bunk, but when he looked down, he saw that he still wore his uniform. Fascinating. Obviously, history had changed again, but what change in history had placed him here, still in uniform, with his boots standing neatly on the floor beside him?

The door buzzed again, so he hastily donned his boots and rose from the bed.

"Come."

Kirk stepped into the room and rubbed his hands together. "Are you ready? The Etrians are waiting for us to escort them to the conference room."

"One moment, please."

Seizing this opportunity to study his surroundings, he walked back to the bathroom and hastily searched for a comb and toothbrush. As he opened the drawers, he noticed that the contents were conspicuously masculine. Apparently he had encountered another version of history in which he and Nyota were not married.

He rejoined Kirk, and they left his quarters. Weary of explaining his situation, he decided to settle for simply learning more about this version of reality without giving away his status. "What do you wish to accomplish in today's meeting?"

"I thought I'd try to get into specifics about what Federation membership would really mean for them. So far, they've displayed a lot of curiosity about the member races but haven't given us any indication of their own expectations. The entire process has been very one-sided. I'd like to see that change today."

"Logical. Who is attending?"

"The same group as yesterday, except that Lieutenant McFee is filling in for Commander Rand. She's still dealing with that communications glitch from last night."

Spock frowned slightly. "Is there not someone else who could take over for Commander, ah, Rand?"

"Maybe, but you know Janice. If it's a problem in her area, she feels personally responsible. She's the finest communications officer I've known since-"

Kirk abruptly fell silent, and Spock felt his chest constrict at the evasive look on the other man's face. "Since whom, Captain?"

"Since Uhura. I'm sorry, Spock. I shouldn't have mentioned her name."

Careful to keep his voice even, Spock asked, "Why not?"

"Well, I know what yesterday was to you. I probably should have asked you if you wanted to talk about it, but you're so private. Anyway, even after you two divorced, I know that she always called you on your anniversary." Frowning, Kirk looked down at the floor. "It's bound to be hard on you, even still. No matter how many years have passed since she died, I'm sure seeing that date on the calendar brings it all back."

All Spock could do was echo, "She died."

"You can't keep blaming yourself. Yes, she probably would have stayed in Starfleet if things hadn't gone sour between you, but she was excited about that job on Mars. Who would have ever expected the environmental dome to fail? It was a freak accident. No one could have foreseen it."

Although Spock was aware of Kirk's scrutiny, he did not meet the other man's eyes. His distress was undoubtedly clear, and acknowledging Kirk's concern would only make matters more difficult. To his great relief, they turned the corner, and he saw the guest quarters ahead.

Kirk paused. "Are you all right?"

"Yes. Thank you, Captain."

Kirk nodded, and reached for the signal. After a moment, the door slid open, and Spock was not surprised to see that three new Etrians stood before him.

...

He sat at the table, not even pretending to listen to the discussion. What could have caused such a wide disparity between one version of history and the next? In one, he and Uhura had never become close. In another, they had married young and produced a family, and his daughters counted Saavik as their sister. The third appeared similar to the second, except that Saavik did not exist. Finally, in this reality, he and Uhura had married young and divorced, and after that she had died. Also puzzling was the fact that their bond had never ceased glowing softly in his mind. Even when they were not bonded, they were. He could feel it.

He looked up at the Etrian captain, very disturbed that he had seen three different teams of Etrians. It was reasonable to assume that the Etrians were different in the fourth reality as well, even though he had not met them. Although it was a contradiction of sorts, the one constant appeared to be the fact that the Etrians changed in each universe while their mission remained the same.

None of it was logical. The versions of reality varied widely, and he could find no common denominator between each. It almost seemed...

His eyes wide, he pulled his brows together.

It almost seemed that instead of dealing with multiple versions of one reality, he was dealing with multiple realities.

Parallel universes.

Could it be?

His mind raced as he considered this hypothesis. It had been proven that alternate universes existed, for Kirk, McCoy, and Uhura had inadvertently found themselves in one such universe many years ago. Could it be that he, himself, was now being swept from one universe to another? That each version of reality was not something broken and in need of repair? That there truly was a universe without Saavik? That in this universe, it was right that Nyota would be dead?

As painful as it was to accept, he knew that this had to be the truth. It had all begun when he encountered a disturbance in space. Similarly, an ion storm had sent the three members of the Enterprise crew to the alternate universe years ago, and in turn brought their counterparts to his own universe. He remembered uneasily how the three misfits had reacted, and he could only hope that his own counterparts were better behaved.

He studied the Etrians again, wondering how they figured into the equation. It could not be a mere coincidence that he had found a different team in each universe.

As he watched, the Etrian captain said, "Please wait one moment while I consult with my superior."

Captain Kirk nodded. "Of course, Captain Parela."

The Etrian touched the small device, and Spock saw that she was communicating telepathically just as the captain had done in the first universe.

Suddenly, the dizziness returned. Spock closed his eyes briefly, and when he looked up again, he saw that the Etrian team had changed. He also saw that in Kirk's place sat Uhura. Exceedingly relieved to see her alive and well, he nevertheless raised an eyebrow when he looked closer at her uniform and found a captain's insignia. And when he glanced at his own insignia, he found the bars of a commander.

Fascinating. Could the jump from one universe to the next be tied to the Etrians' communication devices?

Raising his hand to gain attention, he turned to the Etrian captain.

"Excuse me. May I ask with whom you are communicating?"

"My superior, back on the ship," the captain said pleasantly.

"Did you use that device to communicate during our ship's night?"

The Etrian's composure faltered slightly. "Ah, yes, actually, but-"

"Where is this superior located?"

"He is on our ship. As you know, he could not wait here until negotiations were complete."

"Yes, of course. Have you, by any chance, heard of a man named Captain D'eban? Or perhaps you know Captain Chesk? Captain Parela?"

The Etrian captain came to his feet. "Forgive me, but I must return to my quarters. I did not rest well last night, and... and it is the custom of our people to rest whenever the body demands it. I am certain you will understand."

He and his two companions left without waiting for further acknowledgment.

Uhura turned to Spock. "Well. What was that all about, Mr. Spock?"

He glanced across the table at the other two participants in the meeting, people he did not know. "Perhaps we should discuss this alone, Captain."

"All right. Dismissed." She watched the two men file from the room. "Okay, let's hear it."

Taking a deep breath, he decided that the direct approach would be best. "I do not belong in this universe."

She frowned and sat back in her chair. "Explain."

"I mean that this is not my reality. I belong in a universe that exists in parallel to this one."

She bit her lip, and he was struck by how often he had seen this gesture from Nyota-his Nyota. The next moment, however, she grew intense again.

"I need more information than that, Mr. Spock."

"Yesterday, I was returning from a scientific conference aboard a shuttlecraft and grew dizzy. When I arrived on the Enterprise, I found my situation very changed. The details are unimportant. Since then, I have experienced the same dizzy sensation four more times, and each time, the events surrounding me have changed again."

"Maybe you're just ill."

"Dr. McCoy certified me fit in the first universe. I have no doubt that I am experiencing this. It is not an illusion."

Scowling, she was quiet, but finally she nodded. "All right. I've known you for a long time, and I trust your judgment. If you think that something is wrong here, I accept that you're correct. What do we do about it?"

"If my suspicions are correct, my movement from one universe to the next is tied to the Etrian captain's communication device. I suggest that we study all communications that have been exchanged between the Etrians and their ship."

"Let's do it."

Nodding decisively, she stood and left the conference room. He raised both eyebrows, bemused by the difference between this woman and the woman he knew, but soon followed.

...

Seated at the science station on the bridge, Spock retrieved the past two days' sensor and communication logs and began searching for anything unique. Uhura sat at the communications station, presumably running her own queries. Spock noticed that while she appeared highly competent, she did not display the same fluent ease that she possessed in his universe.

Summoning a lieutenant to replace her, she crossed the bridge to hover at his shoulder.

"Anything?"

"No, Captain." He studied the display for a moment, then spoke softly. "If I may ask, where is James Kirk in this universe?"

"You mean Admiral Kirk? He's back at HQ. You're close friends."

"Ah. That is good. He and I are friends in my universe, too." He steepled his fingers. "And what is my relationship with you?"

"You're my first officer, and a damn good one, too. Why? What are you and I in your universe?"

"At one time, I was the captain and you were my first officer, but now we both serve under Captain Kirk. I am the first officer and you are the communications officer." Noting her skeptical expression, he could not resist sharing an additional bit of information with this brisk, businesslike woman. "You are also my wife."

"What?" she exclaimed too loudly.

"It is true."

Quickly composing herself, she leaned close again. "We're both senior officers, and we have a relationship? That's fraternization, mister. I wouldn't stand for that on my ship."

He did not reply, his attention caught by the display before him. Although it was almost undetectable, there had been a slight variance in the most low-level frequency recorded by the sensors. Almost at the quantum level.

"Look at these readings. I have never seen anything like this before. Do you recognize them?"

He turned to see her looking at him in an odd manner, as if assessing him. She immediately redirected her gaze to the readings.

"They're new to me," she said. "Do you think that they're related to the Etrians?"

"All indications point to a connection between my predicament and the Etrians' communications. Whether these unusual readings are also related remains to be seen. Until I can study one of their devices, I am reluctant to venture an opinion."

"In that case, I believe that it's time to visit our guests. They need to answer some questions. Come with me."

...

The door slid open to reveal the Etrian captain. His two men could be seen behind him, sitting around a table. None wore a device on his temple, but there were three objects resting on the desk at the back of the room. They appeared to be three of the communications devices.

"Hello. May I assist you?" asked the Etrian captain.

"Mr. Spock and I would like to ask you some questions," replied Uhura. "May we come in?"

The man hesitated. "Now is not a good time. We are resting."

"You look fairly alert to me, so if I can't come in, I'll just ask my questions right here. What can you tell us about how you communicate with your ship?"

"Our communications? Uh, what do you wish to know?"

"We've picked up some unusual readings, and we think they're related to the device you wear."

The captain shrugged, but Spock detected his underlying uneasiness. "I do not know what you mean. They are simple devices, nothing you would be interested in."

"Oh, but we are interested. Could we see one?"

"I don't think-"

"Captain, we have reason to believe that they are actually causing harm. I'm afraid I must insist."

As Uhura spoke, Spock observed the Etrian captain motion discreetly toward one of his men. The man nodded, then left his seat and carefully palmed one of the devices as he walked toward the back room.

Spock stepped around Uhura. "Excuse me."

The man looked back, but he slipped away before anyone could stop him. Spock pushed past the Etrian captain, but even as he did so, he knew that it was too late. The man would have time to do whatever it was he intended to do. Therefore, Spock changed direction and ran back to the desk. The dizziness began to creep over him, but he forced himself to snatch one of the objects before he became too disoriented to function.

He leaned against the desk to steady himself. When he finally opened his eyes, he immediately noticed that three of the devices were arranged on the desktop by his fingers; before the dizziness had come over him, only one had remained. Surprisingly, he still held something in his hand. He slipped it into his pocket before anyone could see.

He turned to find Kirk and three new Etrians watching him curiously. Kirk's eyes reflected his concern, but the three Etrians were relaxed.

Kirk stepped close. "Are you all right? One second we were all standing here talking, and the next you looked like you might faint."

Spock decided that he would have to risk assuming that he had gone to McCoy in this universe. "It is nothing, Captain. Dr. McCoy says that I am merely fatigued. Perhaps I should return to my quarters to rest."

"Good idea. Be sure you go back to the doctor if your symptoms get any worse."

"Of course. Thank you, Captain."

Spock nodded politely at the Etrians, then hastily left.

End chapter 3


	4. Chapter 4

A Roll of the Dice, chapter 4

Entering his quarters, Spock pulled the device from his pocket and walked straight to his desk. Studying it would be difficult. He did not dare allow it out of his grasp, for if he were taken to another universe while he did not hold it, it would certainly be left behind. He was exceedingly fortunate he had not lost his boots last night. Evidently, even though he had removed them, his counterpart in the next universe had done the same.

"What do you have there, Spock?"

Looking up to see Uhura walk slowly from the bedroom, any response he might have made was lost in his shock at her appearance. Her eyes were dark and deeply shadowed, and her skin tone, usually so warm, was ashen. Her hair, almost bare in patches, was dry and dull. She was obviously very ill. And as she neared, he also saw from her gently rounded belly that she was pregnant.

She rested her hand on his shoulder for support. "I've never seen anything like that."

He tried to think of a plausible explanation. "The Etrians allowed me to study one of their devices."

He knew that this was insufficient and that she would surely press him for additional information, but she turned away, utterly disinterested. Clearly, her usual curiosity was absent due to her lack of physical stamina.

She sat heavily on the sofa and tried to smile at him. "Don't mind me. I'm not having a very good day."

"What is wrong?"

She shrugged. "Oh, you know. More of the same. I saw Dr. McCoy this morning, and he said that he's going to confine me to sickbay if I don't gain some weight."

"It seems to me that you belong in sickbay. You are obviously unwell."

"Don't you start in on me!" she said angrily. "We've been through this a thousand times. If he commits me to sickbay, he'll take the baby. I know he will. All I have to do is last another two weeks, and I'll gladly let him put the baby in an artificial uterus. If he does it now, you and I both know that the baby's chances aren't good. It's just not worth it. I can last, I know I can."

"What does he say of your condition?"

She dropped her eyes evasively. "Nothing much."

"If I must, I will contact him and learn the truth."

Silent for a long moment, she nervously wove her fingers together. Finally, she said, "It's getting worse. The baby's blood type is so incompatible with mine that my body is trying to reject him now. Dr. McCoy says that my system is slowly being poisoned and there aren't many more medications left to try." Her eyes began to fill with tears. "Oh, Spock. We wanted this baby so much, and I can't believe that this is happening! Your mother said that she didn't have any of these problems when she was pregnant with you, so it must be all my fault."

He looked away, unable to witness her pain. He knew that he should comfort her, but his gestures would be false. This was not his wife. His wife was exuberantly healthy, not frail and desperate. Although she would no doubt accept him for who she thought he was, it would be improper to touch another man's mate.

When he did not reply, she rubbed her hands across her eyes and pushed herself to her feet. "I should go back to bed. Dr. McCoy doesn't want me up for more than ten minutes at a time."

He nodded dully and watched her drag herself back to the bedroom. The device weighed heavily in his hand; not only must he return to his own universe, but this woman needed her husband's support. He would have to redouble his efforts to set everything right.

Just as he returned his attention to his task, he heard a thud from the other room.

"Nyota?" he called out.

When he received no answer, he stuffed the device into his pocket and jumped to his feet. He ran into the other room, then skidded to a stop in the doorway at the sight that met him.

She was sprawled face-up on the floor, her arms thrown over her head and a red stain spreading below the belt of her robe. Her eyes were closed, and what little color had remained in her complexion was gone.

His heart pounding, he dashed over to the intercom and yelled, "Medical emergency! Nyota Uhura's quarters."

As he moved back to the other room, he hoped that the information he had given was sufficient. He did not know her rank in this universe. He did not even know if he and she were married. What if these were his quarters, not hers? Would the medical team find them?

He grabbed a pillow from the bed and fell to his knees beside her, intent on elevating the lower portion of her body. After he put it under her hips, however, he looked at his hands and saw that they were stained crimson. Blood. Her blood. Although she was unconscious and his actions were therefore useless, he smoothed her hair and frantically ran his hands across her face, then moved his fingers to her neck in search of a pulse.

His words catching in his throat, he said, "Nyota, no. No..."

Suddenly, he realized with horror that the dizziness was returning. He closed his eyes, willing it away. Not now, not now...

He gasped and forced his eyes back open, and he saw that Uhura was watching him curiously from the floor. She was lovely, more lovely than he remembered-her color vibrant, her eyes bright and clear-and this time, her belly was hugely swollen.

He placed both of his hands on her face and sagged.

She chuckled. "It'll be all right, coach. I swear, you're more nervous about this than I am. C'mon. Breathe with me."

Inhaling, she held her breath and looked expectantly at him. He had no idea what he was supposed to do, and a moment later she blew out in exasperation.

"This isn't hard! We'll do it just like in the birthing vids. Let's try again."

"Must we do this now?" he asked shakily.

She frowned at him, but finally relented. "All right. I'm in the mood for something to eat, anyway. Help me up."

Slipping his hands behind her back, he lifted her to her feet, but he had to quickly readjust his footing when he realized how heavy she had become. She walked away as soon as he had her upright, and he raised an eyebrow as he estimated the amount of weight she had gained.

"I think I'll have some ice cream. Would you like to join me?"

"No, thank you." He patted his pocket discreetly, verifying that he still possessed the Etrian device. "I have a task I need to complete."

"All right. You know, instead of ice cream, I think I'd rather have a pickle, a big dill pickle. But ice cream sounds good. Maybe I'll have both. Beer would be good, too, some of the nonalcoholic kind."

Grimacing slightly, he bent to his work, but a moment later he noticed that she stood beside him.

"Yes?"

"The baby is kicking. Do you want to feel him?"

He hesitated, uncertain about the propriety of touching her so intimately.

"Oh!" Her eyes wide, she laughed. "I think he's going to be a gymnast."

His reservations forgotten, he asked, "Where should I place my hand?"

"Right here." Taking his right hand, she guided it to her belly. "Feel anything?"

He concentrated, but finally shook his head. "No."

"Let's try it this way."

Before he could react, she untied her belt and opened the robe, then put his hand on her bare belly. He completely forgot to feel for the baby's movements, his attention instead focused on the appearance of her body. Her breasts were incredibly full, and they rested on the smooth tautness of her stomach. She was ripe, beautiful, and he swallowed as he gazed at her perfection.

Something jarred his hand, and he jumped. He looked up at her face.

She smiled. "Just wait. There it is again! Did you feel it? That was his heel. Imagine how that feels on my bladder in the middle of the night."

When he brought his left hand up to join the right, he realized that he could make out the shape of the baby's small body. It was difficult to believe. He, or rather another version of he, had actually helped create this small life.

Finally, she gently pushed his hands away. "We'll do this again tonight in bed. That's always when he's the most active, anyway. My ice cream is going to melt if I don't eat it."

She quickly belted her robe, but before she turned away, he was amazed to see her place a hand under each breast and lift, wriggling her shoulders as she did so. Evidently noticing his expression, she raised both eyebrows.

"You'd do that, too, if you had a couple of bowling balls attached to your chest. My back is killing me." Moving toward the table, she said, "You men don't know how lucky you are. You get all the enjoyment of breasts without any of the hassle."

Since he had no response to such a statement, he looked back down at the device and pondered his next step. He would prefer to activate it, but if he did that, it was likely he would find himself taken to another universe. Perhaps a better alternative would be to scan it.

He searched the desk drawers until he found a tricorder, and quickly verified what he had suspected two universes ago: the device operated at a quantum level. Based on this knowledge, he should be able to adapt the ship's internal sensors and monitor any transmissions to or from the Etrians' quarters.

As he turned back to the computer, she finished her snack and walked to the bedroom. He did not allow her to distract him from his work. Soon, he had completed the modifications to the sensors.

Fully dressed, she came back out. "I know it's late, but I'm going stir crazy. Would you like to go for a walk with me?"

"Not tonight, but do not let my inactivity deter you."

"Okay. Maybe I can get Scotty to walk with me. See you in a bit."

Nodding, he watched her leave. What would it be like to know that his son thrived in her womb, to know that they would soon have a family? It would surely be very pleasing. However... He also knew what it would be like if her pregnancy developed complications. These two universes had been so alike, yet so different. He had never believed in luck, the so-called 'roll of the dice,' but after what he had witnessed, he wondered if perhaps he should reconsider. It was very possible that one's life was subject to the whims of fate. He was pleased with his life. It was good. He had been fortunate, one might even say lucky.

He had rolled the dice and won.

At a beep, he jerked back to the display to see that the computer had already detected an incoming transmission.

"Computer. Translate message."

"Working. Message reads 'Vulcan is suspicious in universe R-12. All other teams, exercise caution.' End message."

A sense of victory coursed through him as he understood that his theory was correct. His passage from one universe to another was related to the Etrians. Noting the quantum signature of the current universe, he called up the data surrounding the message. Although it had never been proven, it was popularly accepted that each universe possessed a unique quantum signature. If he could now determine the quantum signature of the wave that carried the message, his findings might be highly significant.

The computer beeped again, this time signaling an outgoing transmission. He worked quickly, attempting not only to record the new message but to identify the quantum signatures of both, but before he could continue, he began to feel dizzy. He clenched his fist in frustration at having been denied the opportunity to follow this line of reasoning, but he could do nothing to stop it. He could only close his eyes and succumb to the numbing disorientation of a jump to another universe.

After a long moment, he opened his eyes to see that while he was still in the same quarters, the decor was strangely different. The colors and objects were harsh and vibrant, not serene like before. His surroundings faded from his attention, however, when he realized that he _had_ learned something important from the last message-his 'jumps' were tied directly to the outgoing transmissions but were unaffected by the incoming. Turning back to the computer, he tried to use the internal sensors to locate the signal. As he expected, his sensor adaptations were not in place in this universe, so the internal sensors were useless to him. The external sensors, however, should be another matter, for the type of data he needed was collected routinely.

"Computer. Display external sensor logs for past three minutes. Enhance quantum level. Flag any variations or anomalies."

There. Exactly two point six minutes ago, there had been a quantum-level surge at location three three mark eight. That was precisely the time at which he had become dizzy and moved to this universe. Even better, the quantum signature of the surge did not match the quantum signature of this universe, but did match the quantum signature of the last universe. Just as he had suspected.

The door opened. Not wishing to be distracted from his work, he glanced up quickly without entirely diverting his attention from the computer. What he saw, however, caused him to look again and stare in disbelief.

Uhura stood just inside the doorway with her hands on her hips. Her uniform-if it could be called that-was short on top, revealing her hard, flat belly. Her minuscule skirt was slung very low on her hips, tied with a gaudy metallic sash, and she wore thigh-high spike-heeled boots. The handle of a small dagger could barely be seen protruding from the top of one of the boots. What was most amazing, though, was her demeanor. She had not said a word, but her mere posture shouted of seductive, sexually charged danger.

She swaggered across the room and purred, "What did you do to your face?"

He sat very still, unable to discern what she meant.

"I asked you a question," she said, her voice harder. "Aren't you going to answer it?"

"Specify."

"Your face." She stopped before him with her legs spread suggestively and her breasts mere inches from his nose, and she rubbed his cheek. "You shaved your beard. You look soft. I don't like it."

He raised an eyebrow, but before he could respond, she slapped him sharply, anger twisting her face. An instant later, the anger vanished.

"Ask me next time before you do something so foolish," she said.

She caressed his stinging flesh before walking away. Raising an eyebrow, he brought his hand to his face as he considered this scenario. When McCoy had returned from the mirror universe all those years ago, he had mentioned that he liked Spock better with a beard. This woman had commented on his beard-or lack of a beard-as well. Therefore, it seemed likely that he now found himself in the same mirror universe.

He stood, intending to find a more hospitable location to study the device, but she stepped in his path before he reached the door.

"Where are you going?" she asked, her face tilted up to his.

"To the science labs."

She narrowed her eyes. "You're lying. You should know that you can't fool me."

"A Vulcan cannot lie."

Suddenly, her movement so fast he could not react, she grabbed his crotch with one hand while whipping her dagger from her boot with the other. Her fingers were viselike, and his eyes widened when he felt the edge of the blade pressing against his scrotum through the fabric of his uniform.

"Why are you acting so strange?" she spat venomously.

"I am acting no different than usual."

She tightened her grip, and he swallowed.

"You have another woman. You're going to her bed instead of mine."

"I assure you-"

"Tell me the truth."

"I am going to the science lab. One of the technicians encountered difficulty with his experiment, and he requires my assistance. If you wish, you may accompany me in order to verify my whereabouts."

As he talked, he turned his hand very slowly and carefully so that it was positioned over his pocket. He had seen the Etrian captain tap the corner of the device. Hopefully that was how it was activated. If he was wrong, he knew that he was in danger of leaving more than just his boots in this universe.

"That isn't the truth. You might be able to deceive the others, but you can't deceive me." She began to subtly increase the pressure of the knife. "Too bad. You've been good in bed, but I'm sure someone else will be more than eager to take your place."

Finding the corner of the device with his index finger, he pushed, and the pressure of the knife mercifully vanished. He closed his eyes in relief and decided that he would not think of what awaited the man who replaced him in that universe. The next instant, however, he tensed and stumbled backwards as he realized that another firm hand had taken the place of Uhura's.

Catching himself against a chair before he fell, he could only blink stupidly as he gazed at the sight before him.

A complete stranger studied him with annoyance in her expression. She was quite beautiful, her bald head adorned with a delicate band and her dark eyes framed by long, thick lashes. She was also quite naked, covered only by what appeared to be one of his own uniform jackets.

"Why are you so jumpy, my love? I was just teasing you." She smiled, opening the jacket seductively. "You know how excited I get when I wear this. I could get used to these captain's bars."

Before he could formulate a response, the dizziness returned.

End chapter 4


	5. Chapter 5

A Roll of the Dice, chapter 5

Spock opened his eyes cautiously to find that he was alone again. Releasing the breath he hadn't realized he was holding, he considered the rapid turn of events. Evidently there was a great deal of communication taking place at the moment between the Etrians in the various universes, and if he hoped to accomplish anything, he must act quickly. Perhaps the science lab would be the best place to analyze the device. In a neutral location, he would not be subject to the distractions he had experienced here.

Verifying that he still possessed the device, he left his quarters and walked rapidly through the corridors. What sort of life did he lead in that last universe? The Deltan woman had certainly touched him with a great deal of familiarity. There was no doubt about the nature of their relationship. He could not recall having met her before, and it would be fascinating to learn who she was.

He rounded a corner and encountered a Gorn in Starfleet uniform. He tried to nod politely at the reptilian crewmember's hissed greeting, but he knew that he had not successfully hidden his astonishment.

Ducking inside the lab, he rapidly determined which piece of equipment he needed, but he had no sooner pulled the device from his pocket when he became dizzy again. He wrapped his fingers around the device in resignation and waited for the sensation to pass.

"...and that's when I knew that Pavel had no idea what she meant! Really, he can be such an innocent."

His head still swimming, he tried to assess his situation. This would appear to be the mess hall. He was seated at a table beside Uhura with a half-eaten meal in front of him. She chattered on, oblivious to his muddled state.

"Finally, I just pulled him to the side and explained. He turned as red as that tomato, but that's what he gets for missing the briefing. He hadn't expected that sort of 'welcome.'"

Laughing, she picked up a piece of bread, and he saw the wedding band on her finger. So. He had landed in another universe where he and she were married. Her friendly manner convinced him that he was in no immediate danger of castration or any other type of dismemberment, so he relaxed.

She gestured in his direction. "As fun as it was to watch Pavel squirm, I have to admit that I was a little worried, myself. Captain Kirk explained our customs, though, and... Oh, hi! Come on over and join us."

Spock glanced up to see Mr. Scott walk into the room, accompanied by a dark-haired woman in Starfleet uniform. Unable to believe his eyes, he frowned and looked closer at the woman's familiar features. Many years had passed since he had last seen her, but there was no mistake. The woman was T'Pring.

Uhura patted the chair next to her, then leaned over and kissed Scotty on the cheek when he sat down with his tray. "You look tired," she said affectionately. "Did you have a tough day?"

Taking the seat next to Spock, T'Pring answered before Scott could speak. "An imbalance in the matter/antimatter flux registered on our instruments. It was very difficult to locate." She turned toward Spock. "I have told you repeatedly to contact Starfleet Command about upgrading us to the newer sensors. You could have saved us a great deal of effort. Why have you not done as I suggested?"

Spock shook his head, unable to formulate a response.

"I do not wish to hear about the unreliability of the new technology." She narrowed her eyes as she looked at his plate. "You are eating onions? You know I dislike the scent of onions."

He came to his feet. "My presence is required in the lab."

"Husband, I was speaking to you."

He ignored T'Pring's cold voice as he left the room.

...

Back in the lab, he sat down and closed his eyes briefly in an attempt to summon strength. Not only was his body weakening, but his mental clarity had become increasingly addled with each leap to a new universe. He did not know how much longer he could withstand this.

He bent to his work, examining every millimeter of the device. Although he had seen the Etrians operate it telepathically, he thought it possible that there would also be a manual control of some sort. If not, he would have to confront the Etrians, for he was certain that the device would not be compatible with his own brain waves.

He pressed his lips together in disappointment. Although the device was activated manually, there was no further means of manual operation. He absently turned the device in his hands as he tried to formulate another plan, but he knew an instant later when his vision became blurred that his tenure in this universe had come to an end. He leaned his head on the table, welcoming the soothing coolness against his face, and closed his eyes. It would be so easy to rest now, to allow the darkness to overtake him...

He straightened at the sound of the door. When he turned, he saw that it was only McCoy. He nodded briefly before returning to his investigation, pleased that he had remained in the lab despite being taken to a new universe.

The doctor placed a tray of lab specimens on the counter and wandered over to stand behind him. "What do you have there, Spock?"

"It is-"

Spock's eyes widened when he felt McCoy's hand on his shoulder. Surely, it could not be the case in this universe... He froze, tense.

But McCoy did not remove his hand.

Hastily placing the device back into his pocket, Spock slipped from McCoy's grasp and moved toward the door.

"I believe that I am, ah, needed on the bridge. Yes, I started several scans, and I must go check my results. It is very important. Excuse me."

Not waiting for McCoy's response, Spock darted out the door. When it closed behind him, he leaned against the wall. Under normal circumstances, he knew that he would have retained his composure no matter the situation. Now, however, he could not avoid becoming rattled, and before he was able to clear his thoughts, he felt himself swept away once more.

This time, he opened his eyes to see that he was in the transporter room. Captain Kirk stood beside him, and someone was just materializing on the transporter pad. It was a woman wearing the uniform of an admiral.

She stepped down. "Hello, gentlemen."

Spock straightened in recognition of her rank and nodded politely, despite the fact that he was thoroughly baffled as to her identity. She gave him a friendly smile and turned her attention to Kirk.

Kirk grinned. "Welcome, Admiral Brandt."

Kirk moved close as if to shake her hand, but instead reached down and patted her lightly on the posterior. Spock stared in disbelief. What universe was this that a captain would greet an admiral with such familiarity? As he tried to find the presence of mind to erase the shocked expression from his face, the dizziness returned and he was back in the corridor outside the lab.

He took a moment to rub his eyes, breathing deeply while he attempted to think. Although this would be the ideal opportunity to resume his study of the device, it was becoming clear that he could no longer cope with this alone. With each jump, he was progressively losing control of the situation. Indeed, he felt as if he were trying to grasp the edges of a rapidly unraveling cloth. It was time to enlist aid.

He walked to the speaker on the wall. "Computer, location of Captain... the ship's captain."

"Captain Kirk is on deck four, corridor sixteen."

He jogged toward the lift. Kirk was just below him, near his quarters. If he hurried, he could catch the captain before he possibly left the area. The lift ride seemed very long, but soon the door opened and Spock saw Kirk's back just ahead of him.

"Captain! One moment, please."

An expression of surprise on his face, Kirk turned to see why Spock had called him with such urgency. Spock rehearsed the details as he approached, attempting to determine the most efficient manner in which to impart the information, but his step faltered before he reached the captain.

The dizziness had returned.

"No..."

He stumbled to the wall, trying his best simply to remain on his feet. When he opened his eyes, he found that he was facing an older version of Captain Christopher Pike.

"Spock? What's the matter? Are you all right?"

Spock opened his mouth to respond, but before he could speak, he grew dizzy again and closed his eyes, then opened them to find that the man at his elbow was Kirk. This time, however, the corridor surrounding Kirk was different, and Spock recognized the design of the original Enterprise.

Kirk, wearing the uniform of an admiral, took a step toward him. "Captain?"

Still struggling to speak, Spock leaned his head against the wall, overcome yet again by dizziness. The next thing he knew, a striking auburn-haired woman stood beside him.

"Dr. Janice Lester?" he gasped.

The feminine voice replied in the rhythm of Kirk's distinctive cadence. "Spock? What in the hell are you talking about?"

Spock blinked, trying to comprehend, but became dizzy again before the woman's words had even completely registered. When he could focus his eyes, he was stunned to find the corridor filled with acrid smoke. The walls were blackened, and flames flickered from the vent just over his head. As he tried to orient himself, the ship shuddered from the impact of enemy fire.

Alone, he floundered forward, coughing and wiping the tears from his eyes. After only six steps, his foot encountered something solid and he fell to the floor. Fighting the urge to close his eyes until the wooziness had passed, he shook his head and found that he was face-to-face with a crewmember, her own eyes wide and unseeing. He did not recognize her. He pushed himself to his feet and leaned heavily against the wall as he made his way down the corridor.

"Spock! Are you all right?"

He looked up to see Uhura running his way. Blood oozed down the side of her face from an ugly gash beside her eye.

"I am merely dazed," he mumbled, his speech slurred. "What of you? You are bleeding profusely."

She touched her cheek as if not aware of her injury. "Oh. It's nothing. Come with me. We're desperately needed on the bridge."

He closed his eyes and swallowed, trying to overcome a sudden wave of nausea. "Will you assist me?"

She dragged his arm around her shoulders and supported his weight as they staggered down the hall. Although the thought occurred to him that he could use their physical contact to gather information, he was too lightheaded to concentrate. And he had become so familiar with the sensation preceding each leap to a new universe that he knew he would not be here long...

He felt Uhura's sturdy body vanish from beneath him. He tried to retain his balance, but the corridor spun around him and he fell prone.

"Spock! Are you all right?"

Gentle hands grasped his shoulders and helped him roll onto his back, and he saw that the corridor was clear of smoke. Uhura, no blood on her face, peered down at him with concern. He wanted to tell her that he did not belong here, that he needed help, but the words would not emerge from his mouth.

"Hang on, Spock. I'll be right back."

She quickly brushed her hand along the side of his face, then ran away. He tried to watch her, but his stomach lurched with the effort and he had to close his eyes. Her voice reached him as if from a great distance.

"Uhura to sickbay. Medical emergency, deck four. Spock collapsed. He's conscious but unable to speak. Hurry!"

The floor vibrated, signaling her return. Her cool hands encircled one of his own, and he finally could not fight off the darkness any longer. The last thing he heard was her soothing voice, murmuring, "It will be all right. Just hang on. Dr. McCoy is on his way."

End chapter 5


	6. Chapter 6

A Roll of the Dice, chapter 6

He opened his eyes to find himself in a darkened room. It was not sickbay. Consulting his internal clock, he understood that he had been out for five point two hours. Perhaps that was why he felt somewhat better-the rest had restored a portion of his strength. He might not be at one hundred percent efficiency, but he should be able to function adequately.

He turned his head on the pillow and saw that Uhura lay very close beside him. Although he knew that he had no time to waste, he could not resist observing her peaceful slumber. Who was this woman? Was she assured and confident, like his own wife, or was she someone else entirely? He wished that he could speak with her, but his best option would be to simply rise and leave as silently as he could.

Without warning, her eyes flickered open. She stared at him quietly for the space of three human heartbeats, then flailed at the covers and started screaming at the top of her lungs. He jumped to his feet as she clambered from the other side of the bed.

Winded by his sudden exertion, he gasped, "Nyota, do not be alarmed."

He held out both hands in her direction, trying to quiet her, but she only screamed louder. Before he could speak again, the dizziness returned, and he closed his eyes, glad to be rid of this awkward situation. When he opened them, however, he saw that she still stood on the other side of the bed, a blanket clutched tightly under her chin. At least she was not screaming.

"Nyota? What is it?"

Spock looked down in disbelief at the sound of a groggy masculine voice and found a man in the bed where he, himself, had been only moments before.

It was Jim.

"Spock?" she said unsteadily.

Sitting up suddenly, Kirk scooted back in the bed and muttered, "Oh my God."

Spock averted his eyes and tried to come to terms with the sight before him. Telling himself that it did not matter, that this woman was not the woman who had pledged herself to him, that this woman lived a life all her own, he finally drew a deep breath and spoke. He must explain himself quickly before he was swept away again.

"Do not be alarmed," he said. "I am not from your universe. Please accept this without question because I do not have much time. My presence here is due to the Etrians' technology." He waited for their objections, but both were quiet. "Do you accept this?"

"It's the only explanation," Kirk said in a constricted voice.

"Indeed? I had not anticipated that it would be this easy."

Uhura smiled slightly, her eyes bright with tears. "We know that you can't be from our universe, Spock, because in our universe you're dead. Oh God, I never thought I'd see your beautiful face again, I never thought I'd hear your voice..." She trailed away into a rough whisper and shook her head, obviously unable to continue.

"We tried to save you," added Kirk. "We took you to Mount Seleya and tried everything. Everything, Spock, but we lost you. I would have sold my soul to save you. I almost did."

Ah. Mount Seleya. Now he understood. "Am I to assume that the adepts could not retrieve my katra?"

She closed her eyes. "They took it from Dr. McCoy, but it was too weak. They said that it disintegrated before they could transfer it to your body. Oh Spock, I sat by your side for four weeks and watched your body slowly fade, too. I knew it wasn't really you, but I mourned you just the same. I lost you three times. Three times! First the man I loved, then your katra, and finally your empty shell. I thought that I would die, too. I wanted to die."

"I am sorry, Nyota. In my universe, the refusion was successful. It is to that universe you must help me return."

"You're standing here before me, alive and whole again, and you expect me to willingly lose you a fourth time? How can you ask that?"

"Because I know it is right. And if you are anything like the Nyota Uhura of my universe, you know that it is right, too."

She pressed her lips together and didn't answer. Finally, Kirk broke the silence.

"Tell us what you've learned," he said.

Relieved to discuss a less emotionally charged topic, Spock reached into his pocket and held up the device. "No doubt you have seen this on the Etrian captain's temple. It is used for communication."

Kirk nodded. "Yes. We know."

"Do you know, however, with whom the Etrians communicate?"

"They've told us that it's their commander."

"It is my belief that they are communicating not with their commander, but with teams who currently reside in other universes. Since encountering a disturbance in space yesterday, I have repeatedly been swept from one universe to the next, and I believe that it has always coincided with an outgoing communication from the Etrians. As a matter of fact, I was able to verify after one such jump that the quantum signature of the message matched the universe from which I had come rather than the current universe. I have also observed that a different team of Etrians is on the Enterprise in each universe. It is my belief that they communicate via a 'porthole,' if you will, between universes. I flew through the porthole when I was aboard a shuttlecraft yesterday, and now, whenever the porthole opens, I am taken to a new universe."

Kirk slid out of bed to stand beside Uhura, the sheet wrapped around his waist. Spock did not miss the significant look that passed between them before Kirk faced forward again.

"Why?" asked Kirk. "Why wouldn't you have just stayed where you landed the first time?"

"Because my quantum signature does not match. While space is always changing, quantum energy is not. The quantum structure is rigidly stable and is fundamental to every atom. The universe is seeking stability, trying to reestablish its inherent order. I will continue to be exchanged with my counterparts in the other universes-or to move into universes where I have no counterpart-until that order is restored."

Kirk nodded tightly. "I see. We need to talk to the Etrians about this."

"I must caution you that the captain of the Enterprise tried that in another universe. The Etrians panicked, and when they activated a communications device, I was taken away. This time we must prevent them from doing the same."

Kirk reached for his clothing, which was draped over the back of a chair. "The captain. Would you like to tell us who that captain was?"

"Not particularly. Before I completely understood my situation, I was far too generous with my comments. I think it best that you do not learn more details than necessary."

Kirk nodded grimly, and Spock left the bedroom to allow them privacy while they dressed. Illogically, the implicit familiarity of their dressing together was more unsettling than finding them naked in the same bed. Soon enough, however, they rejoined him, and the three of them left for the Etrians' quarters.

...

The Etrian captain hung his head in defeat. "Yes. You are correct. Our universe is harsh, and we are in danger of extinction. We selected certain universes, universes from which we had already been eliminated, and sent teams to investigate. Now that you know our secret, how can you deny us? We came to you in good will. Please help us."

"While we'd like to help you, we have a problem to solve first." Kirk gestured toward Spock. "We have to restore Mr. Spock to his own universe."

The Etrian sighed. "We have the technology to do that. We can match his quantum signature to his universe and put him back."

"While that is a desirable outcome," said Spock, "the problem is not that simple. You must return my counterparts to their universes as well. It is also imperative that this not happen again. You must deactivate your communications net."

Kirk nodded. "That's right. Can you close down communications with all universes but this one?"

His expression changing from despair to hopeful expectation, the Etrian captain straightened. "Yes. We can do that. Does that mean you will help us?"

"It means that we'll consider it," said Kirk. "If you'll recall all your teams, put Mr. Spock and his counterparts back where they belong, and help us make sure that no more 'accidents' happen, we'll see what we can do."

Spock turned to Kirk. "You will still have a number of problems to solve, such as ensuring that no one nears the porthole that will remain in this universe."

"That shouldn't be too difficult."

"Agreed. It will not be so easy, however, to counteract the instability created when beings from another universe attempt to reside here."

Kirk rubbed his chin. "You're right about that. It's times like this that I miss your expertise and ingenuity, Mr. Spock. The people in your universe are lucky to have you."

Spock opened his mouth to remind Kirk that luck was illogical. Instead, however, he said, "But not half as lucky as I am to have them, Jim."

Kirk smiled. "It sure is good to hear you call me Jim again. Now, let's figure out a way to send you back."

"I have some thoughts about that," said the Etrian captain. "If you will allow me access to your computer, I will show you what we must do."

Soon, they were seated in a conference room, deeply engrossed in their plans.

...

Lost in his thoughts, Spock walked toward the Etrians' quarters. Kirk, beside him, was equally quiet. Evidently, they both had the same reservations. The Etrians had stated that they possessed the ability to manipulate not only space but time as well. So, rather than undergoing the complicated exercise of matching the various Spocks with their universes, the Etrians would simply return this Spock-himself-to the point in time before his shuttle encountered the disruption in space. In effect, the incident would never have happened.

His unease was directly related to the fact that if the incident had not happened, no one would have known of the Etrians' plans. The Etrian Captain assured them that he would keep his side of the bargain, but if he did not, no one would be the wiser. The only non-Etrian who would retain any memory of the incident was Spock, himself; not even his counterparts would know what had happened. It would be quite simple for the Etrians to simply withdraw from his own universe and continue in the others. He thought that his fears were unfounded, however, because logically they would have no reason to continue their deception now that Kirk had granted his cooperation. Also, the Etrian captain seemed an honorable man, and at any rate, they had no choice but to trust him.

Another reason for unease was the fact that in order to coordinate this, the Etrian captain must broadcast a message to all of the other Etrian teams before deactivating the communication net. Of course, when he did so, Spock would 'jump' again. The Etrians assured him that it would happen so quickly he would merely experience the dizziness and find himself returned to the shuttle, but he was not convinced. Once again, however, he had no choice but to comply.

Just before they reached the last corridor that would take them to the Etrians, Kirk halted.

"Spock, I have to explain."

Spock drew himself up, immediately aware of what Kirk felt he needed to say and not certain he wished to hear it. "Captain, no explanations are required. In this universe, I am dead. You and Commander Uhura are intimate. I do not need to know more."

"But you do, Spock. Nyota means something to you in your universe, I can tell. The look on your face when you found us together..."

Spock nodded slowly and whispered, "Yes. She is very important to me."

"She's very important to me, too, but I know that I'll never take your place in her heart. She was devastated, Spock. When you died, something died within her as well. And as for me, I had lost everything. My son, my ship, and finally the one person in the universe who meant more to me than any other. For so long we limped through the days sharing our grief, but gradually I fell in love with her. Can you understand that? If I thought that I could make you stay so she'd be happy again, I'd beg you. I want you back, too, but I know that it's a hopeless dream."

"You are correct. I must return."

Kirk inhaled deeply. "Do you forgive me?"

"For what?"

"For falling in love with Nyota?"

Spock swallowed, then forced himself to speak lightly. "I am hardly the person to find fault with you for that."

"No, I guess not." Kirk smiled gently. "Well, I suppose that we need to put you back where you belong."

"Thank you, Jim."

At Kirk's nod, they started walking, but when they rounded the corner, they found Uhura waiting by the Etrians' door. Kirk looked from her to Spock, an unreadable expression on his face, and mumbled, "I guess that I should check on the Etrians. I'll see you in a moment, Spock."

Not meeting Spock's eyes, Kirk vanished into the Etrians' quarters.

Spock stared at the closed door for a long moment before turning to Uhura. Neither of them spoke as she wrung her hands and fought back the tears. She seemed so sad, this Uhura. He saw none of the vibrant joy that was evident in his own universe. Did she ever laugh? Did she ever sing? He could not imagine a universe in which he never heard happiness in her voice.

Startling him with her sudden vehemence, she threw herself forward and grabbed his arm with both hands. "Please don't go. I need you here. I love you, Spock, I love you so much. Please. Please."

He knew that he should not pursue this, but he also knew that he could not ignore her desperation. "What was the state of our relationship when my katra was lost?" he asked softly.

"We had been lovers for years, but all we ever did was argue anymore. Only days before you died, I said some horrible, angry things, and I'd give anything now if I could take them back." She released his arm and edged slightly away. "You died thinking that I hated you."

"Nyota, I could never think that you hated me, no matter the universe, no matter our circumstances. When I died in my universe, one of my last thoughts was to regret the fact that I would never see your lovely face again."

The tears running down her cheeks, she whispered, "Stay."

He gently placed his fingertips under her chin and lifted her face toward his. "I cannot. Although you look very much like her, I would miss my wife." He slowly curled his fingers back into his hand. "There is someone else here, someone who can make you happy again. Please allow him to do so. In this reality, I am gone, Nyota. It is time to truly let me go."

Closing her eyes, she turned and walked away without another word. He watched until she was gone, and then entered the Etrians' quarters.

...

His head spinning, he gradually realized that his face was resting on a cold, hard surface. He tried to sit up, but his stomach lurched so violently that he closed his eyes again and waited for the sensation to subside.

Finally, he rolled onto his back and saw that he was on board the shuttlecraft. Fascinating. The Etrians had been right. One moment he had stood in their quarters, and the next he was here.

He stumbled to his feet and sat in the pilot's seat. "Computer. Scan nearest celestial body and display quantum signature."

He waited tensely until the results were displayed, and then took a deep, relieved breath. Yes. The chronometer showed that he had also been returned to the desired time, so he activated communications.

"Enterprise, I am on final approach and request permission to land."

Nyota's voice rang from the speaker. "Permission granted. Welcome back, Mr. Spock. We'll see you on the bridge shortly."

Unable to prevent the hoarseness that colored his voice, he said, "Thank you, Commander. Spock out."

The shuttle bay doors parted before him, and he brought the shuttle in for a smooth landing. Not wasting any time, he left the shuttle deck and headed toward the bridge. Although he knew that impatience was illogical, it seemed that he could not reach his destination quickly enough. Finally, he was on the lift, waiting for the door to open in another three point six seconds. Two, one...

There. Stepping onto the bridge, he paused to look around. No one had even noticed his arrival, but he did not care. Kirk sat in the center chair reviewing a padd while his yeoman waited by his side. The rest of the bridge crew busied themselves with their tasks, calmly and efficiently caught in the rhythm of their daily routine. And Nyota...

Seated at her station with her back to him, she reached for her coffee cup and brought it to her lips. He thought that he could stand here for the remainder of his shift and watch her, absorbing her serene vitality, but he knew that he must proceed.

As he passed, he brushed his fingers against her cheek and bent close. "Greetings, Nyota. I... am very lucky to have you."

Although he affected nonchalance, his heart pounded in his side as he found his seat. He busied himself for a moment resetting several of his controls, but finally he turned in her direction.

She smiled warmly and met his eyes, and he could see the pleased surprise in her expression. Moving her lips without speaking, she mouthed the words "Me, too."

The corner of his mouth turning up, he returned to his work.

He was home.

End story

The next story in this series is The Real Thing.


End file.
